Some mental housecleaning...

Every once in awhile the ol' noggin' becomes clogged with thoughts, ideas and other mental baggage and sometimes it's just best to purge them and as a writer there's no better way than to blog.

The following are some random thoughts, me thinking out loud, some jokes that have come up or mindless drivel that I wanted record of and felt the need to spew forth:

* I've decided if reincarnation exists then I want to come back as a piper 'cause they're always getting paid.

* The economy has gotten so bad that when people die, they don’t buy the farm anymore, they sublet at the poor farm.

* The economy has gotten so bad, that people can no longer afford to pay attention, they put it on lay away.

* If you buy a CD and suddenly realize, “hey this sucks,” and eject it, do you have to pay a penalty for early withdrawal?

* If laughter is the best medicine, then I want to be reincarnated as a hyena because they’ll live forever.

* If laughter is the best medicine, then the Mayo brothers should have built comedy clubs in Rochester instead of that little clinic thingy. Might have worked out better for them and maybe made a name for themselves.

* People always talk about how much they appreciate our forefathers, you know those that moved to America and branched out to find a better way of life. But to me they’re nothing but a bunch of underachievers because after all, aren’t they referred to as settlers.
They settled here, they didn’t aspire to be here.

* Why do they refer to the American version of football as football, because it seems like the only time the foot and ball interact, is when you’ve failed. Why honor that? Thank goodness Dr. Naismith didn't have that kind of rationale or the NBA might stand for National Brick Association...although T'Wolves fans probably think it already does for their favorite team anyway.

* If there is such thing as intelligent design: Why NOT put eyes on the back of our heads? Why not put 10 fingers on each hand and 10 toes on each foot. Would make that saying "I can't count on one hand the number of times my husband has remembered my birthday" a little more flattering. Why didn't women get the testes since they obviously have the pain tolerance to deal with them.

* (Beer drinkers, this is just in fun) I'm a beer drinker, but not because that's my beverage of preference. It's because it's the only alcoholic one I can stomach consistently. People that really bother me are those who say, "I drink beer because of the taste." No. you drink beer in spite of the taste. The beer you end up drinking the most is actually the beer you end up hating the least. If beer tasted so special, how come you don't have lager-flavored candy or pale ale schnapps? That's because it tastes like crap. Show me a man who really thinks there's nothing better on a hot day then a cold beer and that same man would obviously prefer a glass of hot water on a cold day strained through a week-old sweatsock.

* After more than 43 years of life on this earth I’ve come to the realization, that while money and material possessions can lead to happiness, what life is really all about is accumulating acronyms. The more acronyms you have when you’re pronounced DOA, the more likely you won’t be SOL when your family and friends gather to hope you RIP.