Car wash and wear...

Washing your vehicle seems to me like a bit of an oddity this time of year living in the land of 10,000 really big frozen chunks of ice, but given the amount of sand and salt put down to keep people in motion it's a necessity if you don't want your car to end up looking like the face of that guy John Travolta's character "races for pinks" in the movie "Grease".

While I know washing my vehicle is a necessity, I rarely wash mine as often as I should partly because I'm lazy and also because my propensity to procrastinate is heightened when the temps dip below freezing.

And I don't have to tell you how much of a self-esteem Debbie downer a trip to the car wash always makes me feel, especially these new brushless ones who bark commands at you like some out-of-control school marm with an itchy ruler finger.

"Put your money here. Okay, push this button...Are you sure you don't want to put in another dollar to make your car even prettier? Okay, drive in but slowly...slowly...slowly now STOP!!! Aww, dangit. Back the heck up you dumb ass. STOP!!! Now move back forward slow. STOP!!! Do I have to drive it in myself? Okay, now was that so hard? Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not done yet. Are all mirrors and bug deflectors in? Okay, now shut those windows good and tight. Got it? You sure? Well, don't blame me if your water comes streaming through because I told you so. Okay if that's the way you're going to be, we'll just proceed. No skin off my nozzles."

As you curl up in a ball for a few minutes while the powerful jets purge the road demons from the side of the vehicle, you think about how close to failure you really were. Just about the time you are finally getting over from the tongue lashing you got from Car Wash heckler and your vehicle no longer looks the color of a powdered sugar and cinnamon-coated donut the orders start up again.

"Please exit slowly, but be sure not to back up into dryer. Okay now, will you hurry your ass up you only have 30 seconds left of drying time and there are at least four other vehicles waiting in line! You don't need all 30 seconds, it's just for show anyway. Scram! beat it!"

The ride home always cause more time for personal reflection and maybe recalling a few affirmations or perhaps even dialing dear old mom to try to boost your spirits cause in the end while the vehicle may look all shiny and new, your personal interior often feels like crap.