My relationship with Facebook is a bittersweet one. I love it because it has helped me get and keep in touch with people I thought I would never hear from again, but it also can be a bit of an obsession and very time consuming.
Early on in my Facebook days, I decided to join the crowd and do one of those 25 Random Things list everyone else was doing and got a lot of compliments on it. With the various new formats Facebook has gone through since that time, I thought I had lost that list, but lo and behold I found it tonight.
So for your enjoyment and my safe keeping, I'm posting it here.
My list of 25 Random Things about Me that turned into 50, plus some honorable mentions...
1. I strongly feel my wife, despite her rare flaws, is truly an angel who was put here on Earth to rescue my formerly tortured soul and that my children have allowed me to experience love like I never imagined possible (mission accomplished on both!). Meaning, there's hope for everyone!
2. Am not afraid to admit, I'M A MOMMA'S BOY, and not that there's anything wrong with that!
3. I am intimidated by people with a strong knowledge of automobiles and how they run. I feel emasculated around those types.
4. I watched the movie "Mama Mia" and caught myself tapping my toe to the rhythm of more than one song during the course of the movie. Of course, the same thing happened to me during the dueling banjos scene while watching "The Deliverance" for the first time. "This is cute," I remember thinking to myself at the time.
5. I hit a double eagle on a par 5 hole at the Mt. Lake Golf Course and before I calmed down enough to remember to save the ball, I crushed it deep into the woods two holes later never to see it again. Oh well, I have a really swell cap signed by the rest of my foursome to prove it!
6. At one time, I possessed a very curly version of a mullet ... by choice! It was the 80s after all and big hair in the back was that era's faux hawk.
7. Would also give anything to mow my late Grandma Hildebrandt's lawn one more time and afterwards spend a few hours at her kitchen table chatting with her about what's going on in my little world and catching up on the goings-on in the lives of her 30-something other grandchildren. Many computers these days didn't have the memory my Grandma possessed back then in keeping track of all those off- spring.
8. Would give anything for one more chance to tag along behind my late Grandpa Cullen as he walked amongst the buildings at his farm on a hot summer's day. When we were done, chug down a cold glass of Ocean's Spray cranberry juice with a hint of 7-Up and watch him dig deep into the freezer to dig out one of my Grandma's cigarettes from her secret supply to sneak in a couple of tokes before she came home from "going into town."
9. Want one more time to gather up the old neighborhood gang for a game of baseball in the old horse pasture. We'd play until it gets so dark you can barely see the pitcher while standing at home plate when it's your turn to bat wondering if that dark sphere whizzing at your head is a ball or a bat of the insect-eating variety. Either way, you take a good swing.
10. Wish I would have a better grasp of classic literature and could make literary references other than, "You're a poet and don't know it, and you can tell by your feet because they're Longfellows."
11. One of my first crushes ever as a kid was on none other than Miss Landers, Theodore Cleaver's teacher on "Leave it to Beaver." Even in black and white, she made my heart flutter and still does when I catch a glimpse of her on a Nick-At-Nite rerun. Rest in peace Sue Randall (Miss Landers' real name).
12. I would love to, at least once, experience the Christmas holiday on a beach in a pair of baggy cargo shorts, a baggy t-shirt and a pair of flip-flops under a sun-drenched sky with the sounds of waves crashing in the background. I know, my somewhat fair skin makes me susceptible to sunburn, but lobster red to me would be a pleasant change from pasty white I usually am that time of year.
13. I feel a sense of humor is one of the most attractive qualities in any human being as long as it a good sense of humor. Some people just don't do funny very well. Bad funny is almost worse than no funny at all...almost.
14. Besides being with my family, I'm at my happiest alone in front of the computer working on a screenplay, hammering away at a TV show idea or doing any other comedic writing or creative activity...with, of course, being on a golf course with the ol' gang drinking a few beers and swapping stories a close second.
15. Think that a mug of Leinie's Honey Weiss with a lemon wedge on a hot summer's day is nearly utopic, despite it coming dangerously close to calling for the automatic revocation of my "man card."
16. Chills run throughout my body everytime I hear Paul Giamatti's character in "Cinderella Man" say, "Where the hell have you been, Jimmy Braddock?!" after the main character begins his comeback. There's nothing more emotional than watching really poor people having their lives not suck anymore.
17. Would love to spend a couple hours brainstorming comedically with Tina Fey and/or Jud Apatow and/or Seth Rogen and/or Pat Proft and/or the Coen Brothers or anyone with a Hollywood credit who could provide me the guidance to help land a job on the writing staff at a network sitcom (preferably 30 Rock or The Office) or get one of my scripts a look from major movie studio or, I'd even be willing to start by writing infomercials with Billy Mays.
18. I yearn so badly to become a long-distance runner...and would even settle for being a jogger or one of those fast walkers who pump their arms faster then the pistons in an old Yugo.
19. Am mesmerized by the sound of the wind blowing through the leaves of a cottonwood tree. It's a thing ingrained into me from spending time at my grandparent's farm as a kid and perhaps came from the fact that being able to hear those trees meant I wasn't out in the middle of some god-forsaken bean field pulling cockleburr plants out by hand or picking up rocks off "heartbreak hill" left years ago by some stupid glacier just so my dad wouldn't damage the farm machinery later on. My argument of "they were put there for a reason!" was usually ignored.
20. As corny as it may sound, I think that Neil Diamond's songs are a gift from the music gods. They just make me feel good inside, a different kind of good than I used to get as a highly impressionable kid paging through the endless supply of dirty magazines I used to swipe from the stash my dad used to get from the truck drivers he used to encounter at his warehouse job.
21. Saw Rick Springfield in concert at age 18 and again at age 41 and had an absolute blast both times...or at least I think I did back in August of 1984, but am not exactly sure because there was a lot of Malt Duck involved before and after the show.
22. Got married in Hartford, South Dakota, on pheasant hunting opening weekend 1996 and danced the Macarena wearing a tux while several others around me were wearing blaze orange and camoflauge. I told Teresa those colors didn't work for bridesmaid dresses!
23. Attended a screenwriting seminar in LA on my 10th anniversary (I've got a wonderfully supportive wife!), and got to exchange head nods and "Hello's" with famed director Oliver Stone and dirty looks with his posse' when I asked him to read one of my scripts while crossing paths in the hotel lobby (I made that posse' part up).
24. Am optimistic the Gophers will make the Rose Bowl and the Vikings will make another Super Bowl appearance in my lifetime, but probably should accept the fact it's probably a better than even money chance I'm going to depart this earth having neither happen.
25. Was absolutely convinced as recently as two days ago that I wouldn't ever complete this list, but have been inspired by some others I have read and challenged by the rest with the goal of doing much better or at least being more entertaining.
26. I want to kick the tail of the younger version of myself who thought playing a musical instrument or auditioning for a school play wasn't becoming of someone of my stature at the time. Of course, my older version of myself would have to end the fight quickly because younger, more athletic me would win any fight longer than one round.
27. As a kid I stuck my tongue on the outside knob on the door leading to our house... in the dead of winter. Thankfully mom was home, because my brother was laughing so hard and wasn't about to end his source of amusement just to set me free.
28. Have worked in the newspaper business on and off for about 17 years and I now realize that decades after I'm gone my kids and grandkids will be able to somehow access all those words I wrote back then and verify "Yup! This confirms the old man was nuts!"
29. My greatest thrill (of the adrenaline variety) was riding in the front seat one of the Red Baron squadron's planes planes and doing a complete loop while screaming at the top of my lungs "THIS IS SO FREAKING AWESOME!" all the while scared I was going to poop my pants and hit some unsuspecting Nicollet County farmer a few thousand feet below.
30. I procrastinate so bad sometimes that I swear I don't think I'm ever going to die, but might get around to it someday.
31. Have an almost photographic memory when it comes to sports statistics and rehashing some movie lines, yet can't seem to remember where I left my cell phone just minutes ago or forgot the fact, from time to time, it was my turn to pick up one of my kids from preschool and get the dreaded call from their teacher. (Sorry Shea and Kate!)
32. Am partially color blind for certain shades of brown and green, which will be a real bummer if I ever get lost in the jungle.
33. When I was a little kid, I coerced my sister Jen into thinking those those delicious, little orange-flavored tablets inside a bottle of St. Joseph's baby aspirin were just like candy so she joined me in power chugging the whole bottle. Best part was sharing an ER room at the Mt. Lake Community Hospital and having tubes, much like you see used in a beer bong but on a smaller scale, shoved down our nose and throats to retrieve those little candies out of our tummies.
34. When I was around 10 years old, I was absolutely convinced Bigfoot was stalking me and had I known about the legal system then like I do now would have seriously considered petitioning for a restraining order. Needless to say, my older brother used this fear to his amusement (similar to #49) more than once.
35. Have had my wife say to me more than once, "Luckily for you, stupidity is not a crime. Otherwise you'd be doing a life sentence ... without the conjugal visits!" (Yes, I embellished the conjugal visits part because everyone knows I'm irresistible ... even doing hard time!)
36. Used to make fun of my friends for loving the big hair bands back in the 80s and early 90s, but not too long ago was more than once a mouse click away from ordering some "Monster Ballads of Rock" CD while watching a commercial after imbibing in a libation or two. Thankfully common sense prevailed when I realized the music list included Axel Rose crooning about love.
37. Used to eat raw hamburger sandwiches as a kid, because my dad did and thought they tasted good. Which of course later led me to the conclusion I don't have a beer belly, it's a domicile for a large tapeworm!
38. My Kryptonite is the fact I'm ticklish as hell. Lex Luther could bring down Superman with a rock, while my wife can force me to lose most bodily functions just reaching for my neck.
39. My biggest pet peeve is people who don't realize they're not as important as they think they are, but are making more money than me!
40. Did not fly on a commercial jet until I was 27 years old, which I tell my kids was a result of being grounded so often as when I was a little boy. Not looking forward to the day they finally get old enough to get that joke.
41. Came to the conclusion right before I got married there wasn't much demand for an out-of-shape, balding man with symptoms of ADHD, so I better get it right the first time. 12 years later it's looking "so far, so good!"
42. Have never been to the Grand Ol' Opry nor the Metropolitan Opera and I'm pretty sure that streak is in no danger of ending any time soon.
43. Would love, just once, to be watching a sporting event and have the announcer say, "That's not Lou they're saying, it's BOOOOOOOOOO!"
44. Can rarely beat my five-year old in Wii bowling, which probably saves me from suffering the embarrassment outside the home because more than likely he can beat me at an actual alley as well.
45. Used to be a pretty decent golfer, but these days I'd probably four-putt on a funnel shaped green.
46. I giggle once in awhile when I hear term "stimulus package".
47. Am I the only one who thinks the invention of the "Snuggie" has some defrocked monk laughing all the way to the bank? They look ridiculous!
48. I possess a unique ability to mix up the lyrics in pop songs. One of my wife's all-time faves, "You are romantic, and I love you still" should actually be "You are a magnet and I am steel"
49. All of my children have their birthdays on the 11th of their respective month which means if I learn it is the 11th of any month there's a one in four shot I should be buying a cake or at least a birthday card.
50. Despite everyone in my family betting against me, I actually remained upright through the births of all three of my children...and they were all delivered via C-section! My response when the surgeon showed me my wife's uterus during the first surgery before putting it back in place, "Cool!"
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I had so much fun writing the first 25 and the last 25 Random Things about Me and ideas keep popping into my head. Looks like I cut open a creative vein that won't coagulate, so here's more from the Book of Kurt:
• Once during my childhood, for some stupid reason, I stuck my tongue in a light socket and lived to tell about it. Although I did get a nasty burn at the tip of my tongue and, on a lighter note, had a hard time arguing whenever my dad said I was "not the brightest bulb on the tree".
• My favorite movie of all time is "Shawshank Redemption" and wish somehow I could jam Morgan Freeman into a time machine of some sorts so he could become younger than me because I want him to live long enough to give the eulogy at my funeral. What a presence he has both visually and verbally on the big screen.
• Attended classes at three different colleges in my lifetime, but in the reverse order most people would have done so. I started at St. John's, then went to Mankato State before going to Iowa Lakes Community College where I went to play baseball and ended up becoming a journalist and a writer.
• For me, favorite sitcoms are like close, personal friends. They can be really hard to find, but once I do I'm fiercely loyal to both. (Although it must be pointed out there are rare cases where it's not so hard at all on both accounts.)
• In my lifetime I have interviewed professional athletes, nationally-known show biz folks, two Governors, a president of a major university, a Pulitzer Prize winner and countless other people who have achieved great things, but my most memorable and enjoyable interviewees have been World War II veterans. That generation isn't just the greatest, they kick ass!
• When I was 36, I bid adieu to my tonsils after a lengthy but often tumultuous relationship. In my youth my rather large tonsils, even when healthy, used to swell up well past their 13 lbs. per square inch maximum capacity at least twice a year forcing me to endure painful shots and lengthy recovery periods. However, the peak in our relationship came in my late teens and throughout my 20s when we got along just wonderfully, only to turn rocky again once I hit 30. Eventually, despite the discovery of the wonder drug Zithromax!, doctors finally thought it would be best if we parted ways, which we did in January 2003, My life has been pretty much pain free in that area since, but I am more susceptible to coughing fits from foods with a lot of particles...(i.e. powdered donuts, various cereals, Nerds & pop rocks) because my uvula no longer has its sidekicks there to act as a buffer zone.
• I have a sneaking suspicion that perhaps in a former life (if you believe in that kind of thing) I must have somehow been involved in show business. Photos, video, film footage and other references to LA/Hollywood gives me butterflies in the ol' tummy often and when I took a bus tour of Venice Beach, Rodeo Drive, Grauman's Theater/Kodak Theater, Farmer's Market, etc., everything looked eeriely familiar to me like I had been there even though I had never set foot in the city before. Probably was an aspiring screenwriter at one time, like I am now.
• I do not hunt, nor do I ever want to hunt...again. I tried it at one time in my life and got such an itchy trigger finger that I nearly blasted a barn owl (which was totally illegal) out of mid-air the second it jumped out before me while pheasant hunting with my dad, an uncle and a friend of his from the Twin Cities. I vowed it would be best for animalkind and mankind if I limited the number of times a firearm is in my possession. Thankfully for the owl I was a horrible shot.
• The first joke I ever wrote was, "Did you hear about the guy who got arrested for throwing popcorn at the movie theater? He was cited for a'salt' and 'butter'y"
• My first kiss took place during a party (at the home of a female junior high classmate) while playing a game of "truth or dare." Needless to say it took about 20 minutes for me to work up the courage to pucker up.
• First time I met my wife was at my hometown's annual motorcycle club party, but things just didn't work out. Two years later I went back to the same party and we met again, only this time the stars were aligned. However, it wasn't as magical for my wife as I later learned she quipped to one of her friends upon seeing me the second time, "I don't remember him having such a big head!" which probably could have been a deal breaker if my cranium were not actually so large.
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