Whiny Boy: Chapter II - The Acceptance

Admitting to being a Whiny Boy, one first must realize that there is no set of blueprints or designs that make up of this creature of habit. Whiny Boy comes in many shapes and sizes, colors and textures, and has a variety of ideologies and beliefs … or at least pretends to have them.

The beauty about Whiny Boy is you can’t stereotype him. He may look exactly like that neighbor of yours always insisting incessantly that he pays too much in taxes or could be someone a thousand of miles away from you that you’ve never met who constantly rambles on about the head coach of said favorite football team constantly creating a vacuum.

If you have the ability to communicate at all and have male plumbing then, “Welcome aboard Air Whiny!” You can pick up your e-boarding pass at www.whinyboy.com.

Whiny Girl exists, too, to an extent, but that is a much smaller subspecies compared to their male counterparts and not one I care to even try to offer any insight for fear of retribution. And besides, what the hell do any of us know about women?

Having an innate ability to whine is nothing to be ashamed of, and, in fact, gains you admittance into a non-exclusive club which, I must warn you, yields no special privileges or handshakes, but damn it, there should be! (We can work on those later.)

The quicker you admit to that fact, the easier the rest of your life will be or will at least validate why it sucks up to this point. Every male in this country and throughout the world whines in some way shape or form. Accepting this fact makes it easier to continue on with this lifestyle.Still not convinced?

I feel pretty confident in stating the Pope whines.

Why in the world do millions upon millions of people on this planet hinge on his every word? Because they want to know what the old guy has to say on war, politics, human rights and life in general such as any tips he might have received on who might win this year’s Super Bowl or World Cup.

“What’s the under your Excellency?!”

Something comes up out there in the world that goes against the Catholic religion, His Excellency pops open a window and in multiple languages basically says, “Gosh dang it! Now cut that out!”

Heck, I’m quite confident even the late and dear old Mr. Rogers whined from time to time if you looked closely at his neighborhood. I mean, c’mon! That guy was typecast the minute he put on that sweater and those sneakers.

You can’t tell me he was happy all the time having some solicitor constantly ringing his doorbell or conversing with hand puppets. Sure it paid the bills and then some, but anyone with an ounce of creative talent doesn’t want to feel stifled, even Mr. Rogers.

Baby Boomers, Gen Xer’s, Millennials, and basically every generation before them have done and will do their share of whining. It’s what defines us and makes us so damned irresistible and damned offensive all at the same time.“We are Whiny, here us roar!”